I feel like I am having some kind of hum drum existance. I am patiently awaiting a call for a second interview, losing sleep from lack of that call, lack of money and lack of sanity of living in a house with 4 other people- 1 of which is not the boyfriend.
Yuck is the exent of which my vocabulary can only help me illustrate.

So I have learned a new word and now I use it all the time. The word is acclimate. The meaning is ' To accustom or become accustomed to a new environment or situation; adapt.. Yup that is me!!

However, I feel more like I have been living in some kind of surreal meltdown. I'm not in a panic, nor am I losing it in anyway. I just feel like I am experiencing more change than what I bargained for and it's wanting me to pull out all my hair and run around with a fork and try to gently poke at these people driving me absolutely batty.

I'm thinking of contacting websters and getting them to redefine this new word that has taken over my life. They got part of the definition right...but left out some important things!!

I went to Target to get my allergy medicine. Really, I hate having to take any medication at all, however, I keep a stash of this allergy crap in case I need it. Somehow I have grown accustomed to liking the target brand non drowsy non drying stuff. It's cheap and does what I need it to do.

So it's on my list and I get to the aisle where it should be located and immediately notice that the 'cold/allergy' section has shrunk to about 3 feet wide. Trying not to panic, I try to figure out (with my inside voices) why on earth a river valley area with a zillion trees and pollen flying everywhere would allow a reputable store such as target to shrink their allergy section?!?!?

Then I notice these cards hanging on hooks and quickly notice a picture of my medicine on one of the cards. My first thought was that they must be out of stock. Upon more glancing, I notice all kinds of pictures of all kinds of medicine on all kinds of cards. They read "To purchase this medicine, please take this card to the pharmacy".

Okaaaaaay.... Must be a kentucky thing is what I am thinking so I grab a card and proceed to the pharmacy. The very friendly lady asks me if I want 2 boxes or just 1. I poliety answer 1 and think 'how strange....behind her was all the medicine just loaded on the shelves, hidden away from my grasp and it still made no sense to me...especially since I just wanted the generic brand'.

Then she asked for my drivers license....what the fuck for? But really I poliety asked. She proceeds to inform me that you must be 18 to purchase this medication and she needs proof. Whatever is all I am thinking. That and the fact that I have been taking this medicine for years now and never gotten high or swirved off the road as I was driving or ever had a problem dealing with heavy machinery so I still didn't get it but played along anyway.

That was until she started to log in my drivers license information into a log book. Are you fucking kidding me??????? Now I am having difficulty with maintaing polietness, I don't get it. I am trying to remember to use inside voices but as she logging in my info and asking me for payment right then and there, I am starting to lose it. I'm asking questions left and I right. I am so confused. It's just allergy medication for christs sake!!!!

Then I am informed that I can only purchase 2 boxes MAX each month and they monitor my purchases. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING?!? TARGET IS NOW GOING TO MONITOR MY ALLERGY MED INTAKE????? You were my favorite store but you are CREEPING ME OUT!!!

That's when the very nice lady who I now hate tries to calm me down in her best inside voice and informs me that this procedure is performed everywhere in the state of kentucky due to it becoming a mandated law for all allergy medication containing sudafed to only be sold in the manner that I just had to experience due to all the meth lab production problems.

So thankyouveryfuckingmuch to all the meth junkies out there. You have now taken a 2 second right of mine and turned into a fuckin 7+ minute regulated as well as monitored spiel for me.

I hope I don't have a bad allergy attack!

I asked him to go with me when I made the decision to move back home. He regretfully declined, even though he is at a 9 (out of 10.....10 being yes yes yes) with moving here.
The day I picked Dad up from the airport with the uhaul ready for the drive, the boy insisted on showing up to meet Dad, said "I have to meet him some day!" They met, shook hands and shared sincere salutations and as I drove away from him, I held back the tears and wished harder than I ever could that I would see him again really soon.

Many are confused about the distance that has been put between us; that how could something/someone that means so much now have over 25000 miles in the middle of it. It was one of the harder decisions that I have made and I quietly regret leaving him. I have my reasons. period. When asked "what is going to happen to you two?" my best response has been 'we will see if he shows up on my door step or not'.

A couple of days after arriving back home, he called to tell me that he was shoping airfare. He actually arrives here in 4 hours. He will meet the rest of my family and some friends and I will do everything in my control to stay as practical as I can.
I will not deny that my insides are jumping like wild and I am counting down the minutes till he arrives. I love that boy more than anything and even though it's been only 2 weeks, it feels like forever when I last saw and held him.

Only 3 hrs and 45 minutes left.....

Yes, I am aware that the comments do not work on this blog. My host can not fix this because it's not fixable. Now that I have access a little easier to this blog, I am thinking about some reconstructuring but it may be best to just wait until I get my own computer. I think the last time I updated anything on this blog...other than the occasikonal posting....was forever ago. bear with me please.

So I am still trying to get settled into my new little life. I feel like I am failing at that as well. I'm not taking anything too well right now and feel like a big open wound. I'm pissed off, hurt and most of all dissapointed. I moved back to soak in all the love my family could give, to stop stressing out and get back to some familarity that could possibly give me comfort. I feel like yelling "PISS ON THAT......you aint getting it"!

There are things that YES, I know I need to get adjusted to BUT YOU KNOW WHAT???? There are things that simply worked out for me and I am not willing to change. I feel that no one is listening; that everything I say is just shit...that I know nothing...blah blah blah. Ok, well a few days of that and I am through with it. What on fuckin earth do these people think I have been doing for the last 3 years????? Taking a fuckin vacation?????

And of course, I will continue to receive the consant critism for that. I found myself in the last couple of days wondering if maybe I have made a mistake.
I know it is to be expected to second guess my decisions to a certain degree so that is why I haven't started repacking my things. This will take time and I continue to chant that in my feeble, I know nothing brain of mine. I need to get more settled. But more than that, I need to be respected for who I am. What sucks is that I feel like that aint happening either.

...is to scream 'jesusagedfuckinchrist'.

Ok, so now that we have that accomplished that, did I mention that I have unpacked?
It's bizarre leaving my very own 1 bedroom luxury-ville to my parents basement where I get 1/2 of the area?????? Here I have a gazillion boxes, all properly marked thank you, and I took 1 thing out of each and stored the rest. It just makes me search for a job sooner so I can have money so then I can have my very own place.....THE WAY IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE WHEN YOU ARE 34 YHEARS OLD!!!!!

just exactly wtf did I sign up for?????

I have unpacked, eaten home cooked food, drove around, had my favorite mocha at my favorite mocha place, spent quality time with the family yet I want more. I need, no I must, get this blog working again.

Alas, that is where my own computer that I do not own comes in. Which quickly follows that weekly pay check that I have yet to receive until I find a job here. Which follows the fact that I don't know which way is up and where is the best place to find a job is...unless I sell myself (that is fairly simple and requires few functioning brain cells) DAMNIT!!

We left Sactoland Tuesday at 2 pm (pst) and arrived home here in Kentucky at 2:30 am (est) on Friday. What a drive!!! I am exhausted amongst probably every other emotion known to man.
This is going to be interesting to say the least.